Follow by Email

Friday, October 21, 2011

Rat. Die now.

Beauty wins.

There's a former student of mine that's been described as hunky by every single woman in the world. When we walk through conventions, females of every age, race and creed turn and look. It's the fox and lion. I'm the fox.

So this is what it feels like to be beautiful. 

Recently, there was scratching in our attic. In the Lowcountry, that means rat or squirrel. The easiest way to get rid of one is baiting. But then they stink up the house for a week. And if it's a possum you just gassed, you may as well move.

I trapped the bugger. It's a rat and he's hopping mad. I don't care if he dies because he's got the gross tail and the hair is black and coarse and just blech. Then I realize the main difference between him and my daughter's hamster is the tail.

Hamster: cute and cuddly.

Rat: ugly and disgusting. Die now.

I once heard Donald Trump congratulate a contestant on his Apprentice show for being beautiful. In fact, he said she was beautiful, smart, successful and beautiful. Seemed rather stupid.

Hey, way to go! You're hot! Good work!

My daughter made me promise not to kill the rat so I let the revolting thing go in the woods. Hey, the owls got to eat, too. May as well let them eat the ugly rats. Not the gorgeous hamsters.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Apes. Not Monkeys.

Summerville, South Carolina is home to a semi-clandestine sanctuary, The International Primate Protection League (

To you and me, they're monkeys. But since gibbons don't have tails, technically they're apes. Regardless, they swing effortlessly from thick ropes never once missing.

It's not open to the public. Fortunately, we know someone that knows someone. On more than one occasion, we've walked the whoop-whoop grounds beneath the tunneled cages. Every gibbon on the property has been rescued for one reason or another and supported by donations from around the world.

They are paired in large cages, male and female. Some are charming, others not so much. These seemingly diminutive furballs are cute enough to cuddle with incisors long enough to eat your face. They'll reach through the bars and, on certain occasions, we can touch their soft pads.

Their gaze is intelligent. Reminds me we're not the only ones that think.

We're just more likely to get ourselves in a mess doing it.