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Saturday, April 16, 2011

Sitting: The Black Hole

I sit in meditation and watch my mind desperately trying to protect me. I watch how thoughts solidify. How scenarios form and pull me inside like the undeniable force of a black hole. I watch myself give in to the thoughts that create every possible scenario that might harm me, how I might avoid criticism, how I revel in the things I may or may not do.

Thoughts. I cling to them like a junkie.

And then I wonder who my thoughts are protecting. I ask the unspeakable, the unanswerable: Who am I?

And then return to the present moment. The sound of birds outside my bedroom window. The tickle in my nose. I stay present in a seamless moment of awareness. The thoughtless, eternal now. Until the thoughts return. And I go with them. Again. Like I have a million times.

And I return a million more.

Sitting is thus.

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